Excerpt from John Scott's diary, while recording the Ill At Ease album with the help of Henry Rollins. Checkout the Mark Of Cain web.

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Mon 31 Jul 1995

Rollins arrived on Sat. Me and Kim went to the airport to pick him up. He was in fine fettle and we all fell into conversation without any problems. We went to the markets and had a foccacia and coffee then dropped into Thrash Grind and Grunge (surprised old Harry), then went to a supermarket (Rollins brought some bread, yogurt, cheese (crackerbarrel), peanut butter and coffee (maxwell house). Dropped him off at the Hotel. Talked a while.

On Sunday we started mixing Interloper and Henry wanted me to redo the vocals. I did them after my voice settled down a bit (too phlegmy) - I wasn't too nervous either. Interloper sounds great. Rollins is really good in the studio. Nesci is following his advice which is good. Rollins was wearing his "Battlesick Loner" t-shirt we sent him. That was good to see. Everyone seems to be getting on fine. Rollins is very easy to talk to. He cracks a lot of jokes. Today I have to get there at 1pm to do some vocals. I hope my voice is better today.

Tue 1 Aug 1995

My voice was fine. It's so obviously better when I don't smoke. Henry was in fine fettle again. He's working out each morning. I asked him about if he does a split routine. He told me what his routine is each day. He reckoned some of the guys at the gym we re giving him heavy stares. Forgot to mention my awful dream on Sun night about my girlfriend Edith dying and it was my fault because I'd been the normal arsehole I can be and she'd just sort of died in her sleep. Then they were looking for words to write on her headstone and it was going to be 'Simone Debouvier' or whatever and I said why, and they said that's what she was known as. I was crying - literally sobbing in my room and I knew my father could hear me but I kept on anyway. What a weird dream. I kept thinking about her blonde hair and her standing there and being dead and not knowing it. It was horrible.

Last night I also had weird dreams - something about being in the studio with Tex Perkins and also hearing 'Hindsight' as part of a soundtrack on tv but it was really scratchy because they hadn't used the version we'd done with Rollins. Edith was sitting in my parents loungeroom and I had the distinct impression that she was not impressed...? Also I dreamed I was drinking some polluted water and I spat it out and I woke up spitting onto my doona. I'd gobbed so much up I had to move the sheets so as not to feel it.

Kim told Rollins about what happened with his marriage to Melisa and Rollins told him some of the stuff he's been through. It's cool to see that everyone has these bad times....

When Rollins heard LMA yesterday he said "Man, that's a single. Sometimes I wish we would write stuff like that". Tim Pitman, and Tony Nesci both said it was a single when they heard it as well. It's about an old girlfriend of mine who OD'd last year. I went out with her 10 years ago, when she was 16. I hope that something good can come out of all the shit that surro unded Steph's death. It'll be interesting to see what happens. It's a pretty song.

Wed 2 Aug 1995

The year is speeding away. It's crazy. Yesterday was a flat sort of day. Even Rollins didn't lift me out of my bad state. Suddenly I'm having all these doubts about our songs. Even about Point Man. I think it's pathetic me talking about the three ways to die etc. Why can't I believe that what I do has merit?

First Time was mixed down yesterday. It's a fine mix. I feel really distant from these songs - as if they're no longer a part of me. What is wrong with me? LMA has some really good vocals on it. If Nesci wipes them out without telling me I'll kill him. Even Kim said he got choked up listening to me sing them. And he hardly knew her. He said he was thinking "What the fuck is going on here! I didn't even really know Stephanie."

I almost lost it during the course of the song. Maybe it's got too much emotion. As I got to the last part of the song, my throat was really starting to tighten up. Maybe I'll give alternate vocals a go, but I wont have the original scrubbed. When Rollins heard the vocals for LMA's, he said "Fuck, that's so heavy, it's like a punch to the heart". That made me feel really good - as if I'd made the point I wanted.

Thu 3 Aug 1995

Took Henry home last night. Talked about fucking. Similar stories of alienation. Today I feel loose. A little tired. LMA is doing a number on me. It's fucking with my head. I had the Steph ghost crawl into my brain again. I remember her visiting me during the production of a Midsummers Night Dream. She even lent me money as I was really broke. I remember owing her about $5 and she rang me about it, and I was like "what are you getting so excited about?". She was the last girl that ever did a real number on my head.

Fri 4 Aug 1995

I got a call to do vocals on Thursday which I wasn't expecting. Did Tell Me and guitar line for mix down. Walk Away was mixed yesterday. Details will also be done today. I felt like shit this morning - a bit low and my voice fucked from smoking too many cigarettes. The presence of Henry really helped. He's such a breath of fresh air and so positive, you can't help but get enthused yourself. I was supposed to get my stitches out on Thursday afternoon. Rollins pulled them out instead. He said he's pulled out stiches tons of times - mainly from all the injuries he got while he was in Black Flag.

This weekend we've got The Contender, Remember Me and LMA to do. We also have got Battlesick to do sometime for a soundtrack version if one ever comes up.

Mon 7 Aug 1995

Had dinner at a Japanese restaurant last night. Henry in fine form. Of course it was the anniversary of the USA dropping the bomb on Hiroshima. There were a few sly comments about Henry keeping quiet - Of course that would be impossible (sorry Henry). Everyone had a good time. On the weekend, on Sat, we got The Contender. Then Remember Me and LMA on Sunday. It's all finished. Sounds great. They're just going for another take of Point Man.

Me and my big mouth. I said at a show in Adelaide just before Rollins was due, "Come see us at Dick Dale 'cos we might be a 4 piece". So it's all a bit of a joke me saying that as Rollins is leaving before that show. I mean, I deserve to get shit really, but I didn't know and didn't want to lose the opportunity. Anyway, I said it as a joke (yeah, sure...)

Last night at the restaurant, Tony went right off talking about PA's etc. Rollins pushed himself away from the table and I wondered why. Rollins said afterwards to Kim he had to leave the table or he was going to burst out laughing. It was pretty funny. Tony got so intense about the PA's he's seen abused.

Today I saw a picture (supposedly) of Cobain on the slab, from off the Internet. It really made me feel a bit sick. The head is just this bloody mess. That sort of thing never worries me normally - today it was a bit too much. Maybe I underestimated how much I really admired what he did. What a mess he made of himself.

Wed 9 Aug 1995

Well, Rollins left this morning at 8.50am. Talked last night - just shot the bull. He said he was really glad to have worked with us - We said, and us to work with you - Thank You. I got some books signed, my "Get in The Van" book, and some CD's. I gave Rollins a rare TMOC copy of the single "Can You See Now?/Lords of the Summer". He was pretty ecstatic.

It was hard to say "See you". I just wanted it to continue. For once Adelaide wasn't so boring. For once I felt that I was finally getting some of the recognition the band deserves. Anyway, I guess we'll see when the album is released. Rollins likes the title "Ill at Ease". He said when he sees the singer from silverchair he's going to "spray paint 'Ill at Ease' across the little fucker's forehead" (he meant it in the nicest possible way Daniel). We all laughed.